John Masefield

Evening—Regatta Day

Your nose is a red jelly, your mouth's a toothless wreck,
And I'm atop of you, banging your head upon the dirty deck;
And both your eyes are bunged and blind like those of a mewling pup,

caught the crab

Rowing term for when an oar gets stuck in the water or misses it entirely—a catastrophic mistake in a race. The rower's blade digs too deep or skips the surface, throwing off the boat's rhythm and speed.

For you're the juggins who caught the crab and lost the ship the Cup
He caught a crab in the spurt home, this blushing cherub did,
And the Craigie's Whaler slipped ahead like a cart-wheel on the skid,

Craigie's Whaler

Naval slang: a whaler is a large rowboat carried on warships. "Craigie" likely refers to HMS Craigie, a rival ship in the regatta. This is ship-versus-ship competition.

And beat us fair by a boat's nose though we sweated fit to start her,

Nero / Christian martyr

Emperor Nero famously tortured Christians. The crew is half-joking about their planned beating—"playing at" suggests theatrical violence, though the keys-on-a-belt are real enough.

So we are playing at Nero now, and he's the Christian martyr.
And Stroke is lashing a bunch of keys to the buckle-end a belt,
And we're going to lay you over a chest and baste you till you melt.
The Craigie boys are beating the bell and cheering down the tier,
D'ye hear, you Port Mahone baboon, I ask you, do you hear?

Port Mahone baboon

Port Mahon (Menorca) was a major British naval base. Calling someone a "Port Mahone baboon" suggests he's from a backwater posting—an insult to his seamanship and origins.

Source Wikipedia Poetry Foundation

Reading Notes

Royal Navy Regattas and Ship's Honor

CONTEXT This is set during a Royal Navy regatta—competitive rowing races between ships' crews that were deadly serious affairs in the late Victorian/Edwardian era. Ships' reputations hung on these races. Losing meant months of mockery from rival crews.

Masefield served in the merchant navy as a teenager (1890s) and knew this world intimately. The poem captures the genuine rage of a crew that's just lost because one rower "caught a crab"—got his oar stuck or mistimed his stroke. Notice the physical specificity: they lost "by a boat's nose" after they "sweated fit to start her" (rowed so hard the boat nearly came apart). This was close, which makes it worse.

The violence is semi-ritualized but real. "Lashing a bunch of keys to the buckle-end a belt" is precise—keys add weight and cut skin. "Baste you till you melt" uses cooking language for a beating. Meanwhile "the Craigie boys are beating the bell and cheering"—the winners are celebrating above deck while this punishment happens below. The shame is public and permanent.

The Voice: Who's Speaking

The speaker is one of the rowers, probably not the stroke (who's preparing the belt). Notice the direct address throughout: "your nose," "I'm atop of you," "D'ye hear." This isn't reported violence—it's happening now, in real time. The poem IS the beating.

The tone mixes brutal physicality with casual banter: "this blushing cherub" for the victim, "playing at Nero" for torture. The crew is furious but also performing fury—hence "playing at." The repetition of "do you hear?" at the end suggests the victim is either unconscious or pretending not to hear, which will make the beating worse.

"Juggins" (fool, dupe) and "baboon" aren't just insults—they're dehumanizing language that justifies the violence. He's not a fellow sailor who made a mistake; he's an animal who cost them glory.